to be cringe is to be free, so this is gonna be a cringe post. here’s a list of songs lately that i like and the lyrics that resonate the most with me with optional explanations after them.
“my steps keep splitting my grief, through these solipsistic moods. i should call my parents when i think of them, should tell my friends when i love them. maybe i should have gone out a bit more, if you guys are still in town. i got too caught up in my own shit. it’s how every outcome is such a comedown.”
i think throughout my college years, I’ve been a pretty bad friend and mayb a bad kid too. i got into romantic relationships and lost myself, letting their lives completely engulf mine, forgetting i have a life of my own. it’s really bad habit, i have that i’m trying really hard to kick. i’m tired of being a bad friend and i’m gonna start being a big friend priortizer. i lost out on so many memories with them because i was prioritizing the wrong things, i don’t want that to keep happening.
“all in my head, but it wont stop until I’m dead. i know I’m not alone or far from home, but I’m freezin. i’ve been up all night, peeking though the window blinds at what set off the motion light. “
lately, i’ve just been feeling really alone even though i’m very fortunate to have a life rich with loving friends and family. i don’t wanna be ungrateful and say that they’re not enough because the’re more than enough. they’re all i could ever ask for. but this depression shit is a bitch lol. i think living alone and getting adjusted to that is really what hard about it. especially since i live so far from my friends. at times, its just hard not to feel alone and i’m not quite sure how to stop that feeling. i love my cat though, she helps a lot. my terrorist of a roommate.
“Man that pussy got powers, that little bitch so fierce. think about it in my sleep, that little bitch serious.”
“Just put back the car keys
Or somebody’s going to get hurt
Who are you calling at this hour?”
i just wanna know who the fuck he was calling at that hour??? and where was he going..??
“I’m losing you
I’ve got a bad feeling
Trust me on this one
You’re going to throw it all away
With no hesitation..“
this part of the song just in general is so beautiful, i love listening to it on repeat. the arguing in the background really adds to what i’m about to say. i love imogen heap but this is one of those songs i can only listen so often to save my mental health. it just reminds me of the end of one my relationships where there was a lot of constant arguing going on. and i mean there were some pretty intense arguments too where i never thought i could see either of us getting that upset at each other. i dont wanna say the word “triggering” because i dont think that’s it that deep considering i was probably the problem in most of those situations but this song just evokes very strong, chest-aching emotions lol.
“Every Tuesday
I’ll be in the driveway
Talking to a stranger for some help
Yes, you guessed it
Flowers made of plastic
‘Cause I can barely take care of myself”
another amazingly beautiful song, how can you not love it?? first, i just think what a beautiful gesture of love; giving someone plastic flowers. it’s just so sweet to me. second, she’s real asf. for a while there i was sitting in my car on tuesdays on the phone with my therapist lol. i ghosted her…. what a kind lady she was.
“twinkle sounds”
“i confess to thinking sex was my salvation
when really, they just start with the letter S
you’ll forgive me for thinking heaven was her bedroom”
read “i don’t wanna be a slut anymore”
“Lalalalalala, lalalalala
Lalalalalalala”
i’m just gonna put mitski’s explanation on the lyrics because she’s a genius and says it much better than i cever could.
“Sometimes you’ve been with an idea or a goal or a person so long that i’s a deep part of you. And without them, it’s like you have to figure out a whole new person to be. When someone or something has made you who you are, even if it’s the end, there’s a grafulness for how you came at where you are together. You wouldn’t be who you are without them. There’s a real beauty and peace to that, I think.”
“reach out and text me
and you can call me any name that you think about
wear it out and pin me to the bottom of your heart
you can hate me, but you’re thinkin’ of me, it’s a start”
my attatchement issues are really good at telling me “any attention is good attention”. so a really bad habit i used to have was that if someone couldn’t like me, they could most certainly hate me (even at time taking steps to make people hate me) and i’d be fine with that as long as i will still somehow thought about and not forgotten. one thing i’ve never been is forgettable.
“i’ll never change
but i accept my indecision
i’ll never change
i am the way I fluctuate
never the same
call it the way I cope
with how and where I go”
when i went to go see them live, i could not believe how many people were singing along. very passionately too, screaming even. which isn’t bad thing, i’m not judging. its a great song and that’s what concerts are for. but it was the amount of passion put into singing these words that was more concerning and key evidence for why you should never date a Hail The Sun fan. i thought i was enough evidence of that but i was out-emo’d that night.
“i ran my credit card bill up
thought a new dress would make it better
i tried to work it away
but that just made me even sadder
i tried to keep myself busy
i ran around in circles
think i made myself dizzy
i slept it away, i sexed it away“
queen of coping mechanisms
“i’m cynical, a mess
i’m touch-starved and shameless
mmm, hmm
but i’d rather be alone than a stranger
you’d come visit me late at night”
touch-starved and shameless is so real. this is such a lovely song that my friend put me onto, i appreciate her, it’s been on repeat ever since. side note, i’m fully entering my disorganized attachment style. don’t know if that’s an upgrade from anxious attachment style but i’ll keep yall updated.
“teardrops turnin’ into bubbles
yeah, a little later on
i’ll probably find me some trouble
and here i go again, i’m drinkin’ one, i’m drinkin’ two
i got my heartache medication, a strong dedication
to gettin’ over you, turnin’ me loose”
king of coping mechanisms
“TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH
I COULD BE YOUR CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH”
my red flag is this is exactly what my brain sounds like when i have a crush
“round and around and around, life’s a blur
chasing something that feels like i should
round and around and around ’til it hurts
chasing my tail like a dog, a big circle”
imma sucker for dog motifs and metaphors. imma chronic doer of what i think i should do, rarely what i want to do. now i feel like i’m stuck in a pointless loop of constantly trying to make the “right” decisions in every situation. life feels like one of those “your choices matter” games like life is strange or the walking dead game. which i don’t know how helpful it is to gamify my life but it helps me get shit done so.
that’s all for right now, i thought about putting a lot more songs but figure i might as well make this into a series. perhaps monthly or whenever i feel like it. actually it’s best i give myself a schedule so probably monthly. i was about to call myself an audiophile but i gagged at the thought of labeling myself as such. so i will say, i hope all my fellow music enjoying peers like reading and listening as much as i like posting these. either way, they will be posted regardless.