i recently hit my 1 year on T back in February, but since the start of the summer I’ve been taking a “t-break”. haha get it because i also smoke weed and sum ppl that smoke weed take t- breaks as in tolerance breaks. anyway… it’s not really a voluntary break.
for the past year that i’ve been on T, i’ve been getting it from my boyfriend and how you say “DIY”-ing it. which you may think i’m privileged enough to not have to DIY, and i would think the same, but having already homophobic parents that question my gender identity at least every 3 months… not the move. and i hate to say it out loud but i haven’t been doing my best at diy-ing anyhow. i’ve reused syringes, i’m lazy about getting my blood work done, i can be lightly inconsistent on shots. but i’d like to say i’ve never been unsafe about it, i still manage to take care of my body without blowing $100 on bloodwork. but no really, that bloodwork is really important. why do they make it so expensive??
today, i called a couple gender affirming clinics in Alabama after giving up on those sites that are fully online because apparently you can’t testosterone in the state of Alabama bah bah bah boowie bullshit. both of the places i called don’t have availability until january (standing man emoij). i’ve already been off T for 3 months and dysphoria is kicking my ass, i couldn’t imagine what i’ll feel like in fucking january. i had a friend tell me that any “feminine” changes i think i’m seeing are all in my head and i look fine, and i simply told her girl that’s how dysphoria works.
i mean to be fair, i’ve had year to get this shit set up legally, so anything i’m complaining about is directly my fault. i knew i couldn’t mooch off my boyfriend’s T forever and i should’ve done better to prepare for that. but you know could’ves, would’ves, should’ves don’t really get me anywhere, so i start now and not wait any second longer. think my biggest worry is that my parents will see it show up on their insurance or smthg, but i will slay that ogre whenever it rears its ugly head.
back to the title of my post, i’m going to buy T off the grey market. until january at least. i think i’m coming into some money this fall as i’ll be bartending at tailgates for the football season. hopefully these rich, white tailgaters tip well and i make some moola. #moneymoves
i’ve been on reddit, of course, because where else would i go. and as expected, its been very helpful in my search for T and how to go about purchasing it safely. i’ve been thinking about going on grindr and asking some muscle heads where they get their supply. you think they’d help a little twink with a sluttly little waist like me out? i have actually been thinking about bulking up and getting real swoll-like. i don’t know if those are the little worms in my head telling me to do that or if its something i actually want to do. or a secret third option…. getting really toned and built for my friend’s birthday in april so i can give her the lapdance of a lifetime. be ready…
i’ll keep yall updated on my endeavors pan out for me. hopefully i wont have to wait until january for my t, but if it comes to do it then so be it. and when i do get back on T, i’ll be a lot better about routine bloodwork. so i don’t kill myself or fuck up my liver.