i drove to atl on a whim this weekend. i won’t tell you why because its too embarrassing to say so publicly, but i will say i don’t regret it. anyways i met up with someone there and i engaged in some questionable behaviors. i don’t regret those either…. well one. i got in a car with a drunk driver which ik kind of makes me the worst enabler in the world and i should’ve spoke up and said something. but… get this, you think i only did it once?? no i got in the car again the next day; driver still drinking. and you may say “boypuppy, wtf is wrong with you. are you fucking dumb?” and my response is likely to be “… yeah probably.” like what person has such little sense of self-preservation to get in the car of a drunk driver not once, but TWICE?!?! like cmonnnnn.
the thing about it all is…. when these things happen, i’m sitting on my mind couch watching this all go down like good tv. and the thing about good tv is when the main character makes the “right”, responsible decision, it’s boring. like let’s be so fucking honest here. if you’re watching shameless and fionna didn’t accidentally leave her coke laying around liam to get into it but instead never did coke, came home from work, made dinner, then went to bed…… that makes for boring tv. the chaotic-ness of shameless is what keeps the viewers entertained. so i suppose you can say i do things for the plot, whether good or bad, right or wrong, it’s all for the plot. which is precisely my problem. i go out into the world subconsciously thinking, “what’s the plot of today’s episode? how can i make this season interesting?” and you tell me, if you were also sitting on my mind couch with me, watching as my body makes the worst decisions it can think of, you wouldn’t find the suspense of it all so captivating? and don’t lie.
i have a friend that consistently tells me that i should stop living my life so passively…. and their right. and i kinda hate that they’re right. because that’s exactly what i do when i lay back and go sit on my mind couch. i don’t know how to stop though, it’s a damn comfortable couch man. i think i need to face some serious consequences before i’m able to bring myself to stop. which is really scary considering the stuff i’m doing. hm, I’ll talk to my therapist about it and see if he has any good advice so it doesn’t take me dying to learn from my actions. anyways, beside the “putting my life in the hands of a drunk driver”, i had a really good weekend. it was really fun. i know the world need exponentially less dj’s but i tried it over the weekend and ya’ll…… I’m pretty good at that shit. i don’t think I’ll fully get into it though, i’d be too powerful if i did. for now, I’ll just stick to making playlists for the people that i love.
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